return my video game
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
