Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
