she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
