thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
