I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
