we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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