i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
