Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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