it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
