Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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