Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
