I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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