since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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