I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Actions speak louder than pants.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
