Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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