i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
