3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
