it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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