i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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