why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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