Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
