I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
