Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
