I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
there is glitter all over my balls
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