i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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