he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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