I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
