Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
