If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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