If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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