Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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