so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
