wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
