I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
