you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
