the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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