sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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