What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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