so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
