My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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