She is in my trunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
