how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
