Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she told me i tasted like america
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
