i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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