If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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