Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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