Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
