We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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