And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just found puke in my bra..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
