Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize