I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
