yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
