He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
