My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Fuck appropriateness.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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