Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
