What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
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Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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