im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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