He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
As shirtless as possible
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
