have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
