You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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