What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
