I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
