where am i from again
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
