I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
