So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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