i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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