I queefed so loud it echoed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
